It’s been a minute since I have posted a new blog post. But it was good for me to take some time to prepare myself for going back to work. Yup you read that right.. back to work I go.
September 31st 2019 was my first day back to work after having a month of medical leave. It has been such a struggle let me tell you what. I thought that that going back to work would help me remember and get back to what I was doing before..which is a marketing representative.
Now from my understanding I have worked at my job for nearly two years coming up this January. I was doing reservations and then I got promoted for a marketing representative seasonal position. Looks like my seasonal position ends in November then I go back to reservations.
My first week was very overwhelming due to the fact that we are a team of four and two were out for a almost a week and a lot of pressure and work left on us. I was hoping to wean into it and hopefully remember, but obviously that was not the case.
I cried a lot and struggled so much, that no one really knows how to handle it or deal with it. So far HR and my supervisor are doing their best to assist me with anything I need. It is Just hard to assist someone in a fast pace job and have to know who to communicate information and get things done.
My boyfriend and I thought I could handle going back and handling it full time and all, but now we see I need to cut my hours down but enough where I can still get my benefits. It’s very stressful for me to go into work and start where I left off.
How would you feel going into work and not remembering familiar faces, remembering passwords, dealing with questions and problem solving certain incidents? You wouldn’t feel too confident in the position your in. Certainly does not help with your team expects a lot but also knows that you are limited in a way.
Since this ordeal I have noticed a lot of different changes, tho my work says I seem like the old me, I don’t really feel like me. Maybe it’s because they see me as me and don’t see the memory issues.
Today 10/10 had been a day, hr and my supervisor set up a meeting for Tuesday to go over my position, help I may need all the fun stuff, but was also sent papers for my doctor to fill out, which is not a problem.
But I feel I’m jumping more hoops because of my memory loss. But the topper.. they won’t allow my bf to come to the meeting, they were like this is a work meeting. So it was suggested to take notes, when I asked to record the meeting the hr lady literally was like why do u always need him there. Like really you just asked me that? Because I don’t remember things and if I have this meeting chances are I won’t remember it.
I told her straight up I have been feeling very discriminated by this company and instantly was like what do you mean? I talked to you two days ago and you said they were helping you? I told her that they do to a certain extent, since they are always busy I don’t want to be a burden. I have asked to have someone sit with me, I have made minor request.
The only thing that was said to me was maybe you need to see your doctor about your anxiety and talks to health advantage and maybe they can help you find a new doctor. That maybe I should go back to my old position which is on the phones. A lot of stuff was said and after today I’m completely over my company.
Even tho this position is a seasonal position I can tell that the discrimination is there. Obviously they feel I’m not fit for the position, that going back to my old position would have more flexibility with my condition since the position I’m in is not flexible with my issues or cutting my hours. It’s like a catch 22.
Not sure how to feel anymore to be honest. I am just completely utterly mentally drained. I want to give up and just move forward but I can’t. I need benefits to help me go to my doctors and be able to pay my bills. I don’t know what will happen in the meeting on Tuesday but I feel it’s going to be a intimidating one and I will probably end up crying.
I have no issues going back on the phones. It’s not something I want to do, but I may need to do a refresher so I can know how to do that job too.
Well I just wanted to update you beautiful souls on what’s going on in my life. If you have any suggestions or recommendations PLEASE reach out to me! Would love to hear them.
Have a wonderful weekend and thank you for stopping by and reading 👋🏼